Brokenhearted but Not Alone: A Christian’s Guide to Healing from Heartbreak.
In a recent blog post, I wrote that I have had a bathroom refurbishment. I shared how the whole experience caused me a lot of heartbreak. I thought the builder was good, but it turns out- he was a scammer.
The rogue builder is called Shane. And he made a terrible mess in my bathroom. The worst of it is that he scammed me out of money. I trusted him to do a good job, which led to disappointment.
Finally, I found a fantastic builder, and they completed the work. They rescued the situation, and they did a fantastic job!
During the turmoil, I moved away from my usual writing schedule. Dealing with the rogue builder has been stressful and disappointing- heartbreaking. And this is the theme I am writing to you about today.
Disappointment and Heartbreak.
In my life, one of the most complex problems has been wondering how to bear disappointment and heartbreak.
Disappointment can lead to heartbreak. Disappointment happens when there is an expectation of something happening which does not occur. And then you may become sick. Heartbreak manifests when you become overwhelmed with a dramatic feeling of sheer hopelessness that manifests in the chest or the pit of one’s stomach.
Proverbs 13:12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but it is a tree of life when the hope is fulfilled.” Too True!
Dealing with disappointment and heartbreak is undoubtedly one of the hardest things to understand and cope with.
Sick of Heartbreak
I am the type of person who wants to believe in and trust the word of others. So, for whatever reason, if a person does not stick to their word, I become grossly disappointed. I feel sick to my stomach, and it leaves all my hopes dashed.
In my 60+ years living on this earth, if I received £1 every time I was let down, I would indeed be a wealthy woman!
But disappointment has made me even more determined as a human being to ensure that I stick to my word. I do not want to be responsible for anyone else giving up hope.
Disappointment and Hopelessness
Are you dealing with disappointment and heartbreak? If you are, I know how you feel. The feeling of hopelessness you get as a result is just awful.
Unfortunately, some people regularly make it a lifestyle of not sticking to their word. These people don’t care, so they promise so much and deliver nothing.
Who Has Disappointed You?
It may be a person close to you who has disappointed you.
- Your boss promised you a pay raise or a promotion, which didn’t come to fruition.
- A work colleague may have let you down.
- Someone you’re in a relationship with has made false promises to you, leaving you feeling used.
- Somebody who works for you or provides a service.
Whoever has hurt you, the disappointment cuts deep. It dashes your hopes entirely when somebody does not fulfil your promise or expectations. Disappointment can be overwhelming at times.
This poses a question in my mind, how can one be rid of the feeling of disappointment and move on?
How Grudges Start
First of all, you must not play the blame game!
Focusing on blame and criticism of the person who has let you down makes the matter much worse. Blameing is an endless merry-go-round you can’t get off. Blame stirs your emotions afresh every time you bring it to remembrance. If you play the blame game, you’ll likely develop a grudge.
It would help if you stopped the blaming and actively sought justice through the proper channels. Seeking true justice is not vengeance and will hopefully end the matter. Whereas blaming and taking vengeance will mess with your head and heart.
You need to heal from worry and disappointment; you cannot do that if you have a bad attitude towards those who have disappointed you. Why?
This is because your emotions will reflect directly upon you and your future. In short- your attitudes eventually become you.
What you focus on today will be your reality tomorrow. So, no matter how awful the situation is for you today, don’t hang onto it; otherwise, resentment will build. Resentment will grow into a grudge and then hate, and then you will have a deeper problem on your hands in the future.
Grudges or Forgiveness?
To the best of my ability, I do not hold a grudge and decide to forgive.
Do you think it’s worth hanging on to a grudge against the person who has disappointed you? Jesus tells us that it’s not- he clearly says that we must first forgive for us to be forgiven.
If we hold a grudge, how can we expect that no one in the world will hold a grudge against us? How can we expect others to be forgiving towards us if we hold something towards them? The law of sowing and reaping comes into play here.
Alternatively, if we hang on to a grudge, we can’t forgive. We must get rid of the grudge first and then become free to forgive.
According to Matthew 6:14–15, a person who doesn’t forgive others will not be forgiven by God. And that’s pretty heavy!
Jesus states: “If you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But your Father will not forgive your sins if you do not forgive others.”
SCAMMED
I have been scammed, you’ve been scammed, and many people have been scammed. But the light is at the end of the tunnel when you trust God through it all.
This so-called builder scammed me; however, I do not hold a grudge. On the contrary, I forgave and prayed for him. Because he disappeared, I had no recourse. Although I was out of pocket, I have moved on. And the great thing is that I have learnt some valuable lessons.
Play The Game Right
To be able to move on and not come back to the same problem at a later date in your mind, you must accept that sometimes evil people will come into your life.
These people don’t care how they treat you. Please stay away from playing their game. Play God’s game by avoiding the blame game. Play it God’s way by…….
Accept some people will disappoint you unintentionally; they didn’t mean to.
- Accept that the disappointment will hurt you for a time, but there is healing.
- Accept that if you do not forgive, you tie God’s hands to forgive you.
- Accept that holding a grudge or taking revenge is a no-win way to play it.
- Accept that the blame game will leave you sour and even more disappointed and heartbroken.
Remember, what you focus on today will be your reality tomorrow. Don’t hang onto a grudge; let it go. When you are grossly disappointed or heartbroken, give it to the Lord Jesus. Ask Him to give you the love, power and strength to bless and forgive, and you will be blessed.
Thank you for reading to the end. For more Tips, visit, Your Wellness Matters. www.paularoseparish.com. We collect Donations for Welsh Women’s Aid. If you wish to donate, click HERE.
I have worked internationally with over 40 years of experience. I have a Bachelor of Pastoral Counselling and Theology and a Master of Arts in Counselling & Professional Development. BACP Life Coaching Certificate. I currently work as a Christian educator, blogger, and author. I am a grandmother and live with my two dogs in Wales, UK.
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